Let's Play Catch Up

I bet you're ready for an update, yes?  I don't think there's been any question that the last half of 2012 has been a blur on the Morton-Wood crazy train.  

Mike's Homecoming

The cats were absolutely thrilled when Mike swapped the 100-degree temperatures of the Middle East for the balmy weather of Iowa.  Several weeks of sleeping in, eating food that isn't reconstituted, and an influx of relaxation time has acclimated this wacky vet to our time zone.  

Mike's next plan is to recommence classes in January and obtain a job, both to keep his time occupied and our finances in good shape.
 
Teaching Demands

Right as Mike got home, I started two classes back in Waterloo.  Now I've done two classes at a time before, but I split them between Cedar Rapids and Waterloo.  I can't say that I regret driving 60 miles away two nights a week, but I have learned that I should avoid such an arrangement in the future.  There's something about that extra two-hour roundtrip that throws off my schedule.

Right now I'm teaching my standard film class and the new-to-me public speaking.  It's only the second time I've taught oral communications and my class is 3x larger than the first round (ok, increase of 6 to 22 students, but still ...).  I'm starting to get a real feel for the class and have gained considerable confidence since this summer.  But it's nonetheless a huge amount of work because it's still experimental for me.  And, much like a writing course, public speaking is a heavy work load between activities and grading. 

I also got offered a temporary editing gig with my university.  All students have to write a 15+ page paper to graduate. Beyond their subject area teacher, another faculty member offers feedback and edits - that's me.  I only had a handful of papers to edit, but they were drafts by students, not finished articles from my magazine colleagues, and accordingly took a lot of time to comb through.  A fantastic challenge for my editing skills though!  

Sometimes I wonder why I teach so much though.  This year I've taught 5 courses (one more than I usually have) and 2 were for the first time.  I suppose it's a teacher sin to say you do it for the money, but let's be honest about adjuncting - like any job, it's to pay the bills.  I love teaching; believe me, I'm very passionate about exposing my students to new ideas.  I just so happen to need an income boost that adjuncting can support - I don't think admitting that devalues what I do in the classroom.

Finances
Mike's deployment income has finally wound up.  With some vigilance, we were able to accomplish the following with our windfall: 

• I can proudly say that we have ZERO credit card debt!  Not a penny is owed to any financial institutional (beyond loans, of course).  That's $7,000 that is no longer hanging over our heads or collecting interest.
• We paid off our family debt. 'Nuff said. 
• Our Jamaica vacation of $4,700 was paid for out of pocket.
• Using my teaching income, we have rent secured through April 2013.
• Our savings account is the healthiest it's ever been 

I always do a double take when I log into online banking.  Originally we were going to pay off a $9,000 car loan.  But we got to talking about the future and how we're now back to a single-income family.  We agreed we would feel more comfortable stashing that money away while Mike looked for jobs.  Financial advice recommends that you have 3-6 months of expenses available for emergency savings - we're more than covered now.   

I have never had that much money in savings in my life and it frankly scares me.  At least we're both good about keeping money locked up - no crazy plans to buy gizmos and gadget we don't need.  We do know that our 1998 truck will likely need to be replaced in the next 12 months.  Good motivation to leave those funds where they are.  

Salary Increases
Part of that drive comes from our 2013 financial outlook.  I recently earned a cost-of-living pay raise at work amounting to 2%.  While appreciated, an extra $80 a month is nothing to sneeze at.  Sure, that represents two tanks of gas or a workable amount of groceries, but nothing more.

Instead, I'm going to finally open a 401k.  I won't miss that money and it will at least be a start to retirement savings.  Would love to contribute more, but we just aren't there yet.  Can't be taking away from the utility bill to fund the future.  Just need to keep working on reducing our other expenses so I can eventually put in more. 

What's going on with you?
  

Shit Civilians Say to Military Families Before a Homecoming

If you've been keeping track, you know that Mike's return is on the horizon.  While this is happy news, I've been stunned lately to discover how many people in my life have serious misconceptions about what a miliatry homecoming is like. 

Between photos of people joyously hugging and YouTube videos of kids being surprised by mom or dad in a classroom, it's really easy to think homecomings are nothing but warm fuzzies and tears.

It surprises people to hear that stress, nervousness, anxiety, and exhaustion are part of the mix too.  Folks have a certain idea about how you should be feeling leading up to a homecoming and they can be confused if your reaction doesn't fit their expectations.

So out of the mouths of (well-inintentioned) civilians comes the top 5 comments I looove getting at this stage of a deployment. 

1) You must be so excited!

Well yes, I am, but that's not the only emotion I'm experiencing.  In fact, I'm overwhelmed and could use a glass a wine, but that's not the answer you were expecting, was it? 

Understand that homecomings are stressful in a hundred different ways.  You're taking two people who've been living completely separate lives and throwing them back into the mix. 

It's unavoidable that the ones left beyond and the one returning will find themselves changed, both by the inevitable flow of life and by conditions produced by the deployment. 

Now add in kids who've grown (or been born), careers that have changed,  medical scares, family deaths, or any number of other events that could have happen. Stir and see if things gel together or boil over. 

 

 

Non-military folks find it hard to imagine that you could be anxious about seeing your special someone for the first time in months.  But butterflies in your stomach is completely normal, just as it is for first dates and kisses.

2) X months?  Wow, that flew by fast! 

Sure it did ... for you.  I really have to restrain myself when people say this.  What I want to scream is "You weren't in my shoes, you weren't living this every day.  Things were normal for you, not me."

3) At least you had Facebook / Skype / phone calls / email!   

Just because a communication channel exists, doesn't mean deployed folks can use them.  Anything from security measures, location, quality of the internet connection, schedules/time zones, and access to technology can prevent communication.  For this round, Mike and I essentially had email, with a facebook chat maybe once a month. 

I really loved the people who told me "you should be thankful it's not during WWII - you could only be getting a letter once every couple of months!"  

Really dude?  I'm sure that sucked 65 years ago and kudos to the ladies who braved it, but the last time I checked it was 2012 and people got to communicate in real time.  So. Not. Helpful.

4) I bet you can't wait to get laid!

I shouldn't have to dignify this one with a response, but I don't know how many people have recently made some innuendo with a wink. You'd think that reunited couples just strip each other on the tarmac and go to town! 

Sorry to disappoint, but stress, canned food, relentless work schedules, less than desirable sanitary conditions, and uncomfortable sleep arrangements for months on end can easily kill the libido. Sometimes a few down days (or weeks) are needed before you can hit the sheets. 

And some people, might I add, have some self-restaint.  You've already gone for so long without this aspect of your relationship, you can hold out a little longer. 
5) You must be glad it's over now!

This one bothers me the most.  Just because a person is physically back home doesn't mean things are over.  Reuniting a military family is a process.  You have to reestablish connections, get to know each other again, redefine what's normal.  There's a huge emotion component that has to be actively worked on and it takes time.  

Then there's the practical stuff.  While the returning person gets a break for a bit, work, family responsibilities, or classes will soon come calling.  The person holding down the fort often has no break since they want to shield their other half from reality for as long as possible. 

So what do you say?

I sense a few of you shifting uncomfortably in your seats thinking, "damn, I've totally said that before."  It's ok - we know you're not trying to be irritating <pats you on the head>

The best thing you can do is ask open-ended questions.  Realize that asking "are you excited?" implies that the person should be excited.  So if they're feeling overwhelmed instead, they might feel worse because they can't tell you they're over the moon yet. 

Simply ask "how are you feeling?" and listen.  The chance to really say how we're feeling is truly appreciated.  And we still promise to flood your facebook with happy hug pictures.

To those who hold the silent rank, keep on truckin' 

Deployment Checkup - Barely Halfway There

Several months into this deployment and I'm wondering why I ever said things were a cake walk <shakes head>.  Every separation has its ups and downs and hopefully Mike and I are clearing out of separate rough spots.

I can't speak of Mike's difficulties, but mine have come in the form of stolen time.  At present, my life is a highly scheduled existence that bounces back and forth between work hours, trade shows, and summer teaching.  Throw in meal planning, errand running, exercising, financial watchfulness, and Merry Maid duties, and I've got enough time leftover to sleep.      

While part of my hectic schedule is mostly inevitable and partially self-inflicted, I came to this should-have-been-obvious conclusion recently:

I have a lot of time by myself, but not a lot of time for myself.

When there's so much to do, it's ridiculously easy to lose track of yourself.  You sacrifice your need for relaxation and fun ahead of required to-do lists.  But this only creates stress, resentment, and a permanent frown.

For me, it's predictably resulted in a rebellious body - aches, fatigue, no weight loss, allergies/stuffy noses, and migraines.  All that little physical stuff that slowly chips away at your sanity.

It all came to a head last weekend.  I was supposed to be attending a special wedding for dear friends.  Instead, I got my third migraine three weeks in a row.  I have never in my life missed a wedding due to illness.  I cannot convey how crappy it feels when you really want to go see someone's nuptials but have to acquiesce to your body's demands instead.   

I knew this first half of the deployment was going to be tough.  The front end was loaded with almost every weekend reserved for business travel or social visits.  Barely any downtime was built into the schedule. 

I'm an on-the-go person.  Busy suits me, it always has.  Busy is also helpful during deployments, acting as a distraction and a way to hopefully speed up the time.  But life is all about balance and I become resentful when every moment is scheduled and there's no time for spontaneity.  Busy people know that their Achilles heel is becoming too busy.

<raises a guilty hand and looks sheepish>  

I am superbly thankful that I have a weekend free of schedules.  Not free of to-do lists, but I actually have time to clean and organize.  Anything I can do to right the course of a messy apartment will easy my mind greatly.  And I have several good books I can tackled in between cleaning tasks, as well as Prometheus waiting for me at the theater as a reward. 

I am also going to burn a vacation day here shortly.  I've barely touched them this year and I can tell I definitely need a break from work.  I also know a day off will be crucial before I hit July-August, in which I'll be teaching two classes in addition to work. 

The middle of a deployment is nothing like cresting the top of a hill and speeding down the other side.  It's more like being in the middle of a field after hours of walking and thinking about how far you've come, only to realize how far there is to go.  

What do you to do force/schedule yourself to relax? 

Deployment Checkup - 6 More Months To Go

I bet I'm going to jinx myself, but one month into this deployment and so far everything has been a cake walk.  Perhaps it's because life is drastically less stressful than it was during the last deployment.  Or that Mike and I have spent over half of our relationship apart and we know how to handle the situation with grace.  Or that we're one of those weird couples who thrives when we get a break from each other (it's actually a good thing to miss your spouse once in a while).

At any rate, this has not been a difficult separation thus far.  Sure, I was a little bummed the first couple of days, but I've been seriously so slammed at work that I've had little time to sit and mope (which is really bad anyways).

The trickiest thing has been switching to "single gal with cats" mode.  I didn't have a head start on this at all prior to Mike's departure.  It's amazing how much time it takes to address a messy apartment, laundry-pocalyse 2012, bare cupboards, and unorganized paperwork.

I swear I've run errands almost every day in the past month.  Boredom has not been a problem!  I've also been traveling quite a bit between work and social visits to friends.  Minus the business trip, I've really enjoyed my outings, but that's also time I'm not spending adjusting my life (or exercising ... cough ...).

Through traveling has me booked solid the next 5 weekends (one social, 3 graduations, one business), my work schedule is coming back down to normal.  It's nice to not feel so overloaded with projects and it helps me to feel more kindly about my job when I'm not working 50-60 hours a week when I'm paid for 37.5.

Financially, our to-do list is coming along nicely.  Our personal family debt was smashed out of the park the first paycheck.  I have $2,000 socked away for our downpayment on a Carribean vacation (which is half of the total cost).  I've also kicked down our credit card balance by $800.  That's pretty good for one month.  Granted, because I've done ZERO grocery shopping (except for milk, eggs, and salad), I haven't started on our pantry goal yet, but that's coming.  

As I've been explaining to my truly caring coworkers, I am really lucky for this deployment.  I don't have kids to manage, elderly parents to take care of, I'm not pregnant or in bad health, and no one in the family is having a medical crisis.

Mike was talking about how some of his unit buddies have first-time deployment wives who are freaking out (been there, done that).  He said the nicest thing when he confessed he was glad we were past that stage, that being apart just isn't a problem anymore - he's not worrying about me and I'm not worrying about him.  I agree.

Happy Moments Before Deployment

It's official - my temporary state of bachelorettehood has commenced.  Mike is off doing his Captain America thing until the end of the year so it will be me and the cats for the next few months. 

The week leading up to send-off was spent doing terribly routine things together: cooking dinner, giving the cats a bath, going on walks, biking, taking hikes, going on Dairy Queen runs, and watching reruns of The Cobsy Show and Community online. 

The day before, we went to Mike's favorite cajun restaurant in Des Moines and wandered around the Botanical Gardens. 

Jambalaya courtesy of Fat Tuesday

Blackened chicken done right

Cajun fries - seriously addicting

Sweet potato pie served hot ... must duplicate!

Nom nom nom

The risk of a self-timer - accidental photo bombs

Holding down the fort, Woodly 

Plans for Deployment Income

Relatively soon, our entire income situation is going to drastically change.  With Mike off in another time zone for the rest of the year, he'll be earning deployment money.  All of sudden, our monthly budget will increase by about $3,000.

Before you go ape crazy with jealousy, this money comes with a price tag.  For Mike, a 100+ degree location, camel spiders, limited communication, living out of tents, and John Wayne toilet paper (rough, tough, and doesn't take crap from no one).  For Jennie, complete responsibility for our finances, dateless weddings and family events, full management of condo and catbox cleaning, and the general suckiness of not having a spouse around.

Last time Mike deployed (four years ago), we were far less savvy with our finances.  We used our income boost to pay double rent, make double student loan payments, eliminate one student loan altogether, and treat ourselves to a week-long vacation in Jamaica.  It wasn't irresponsible, but we were living in the financial present with little thought to when Mike came back.

Not this time, no sir and ma'am.  I am going to squeeze every penny out of this windfall and create a good foundation we can capitalize on once our income goes back to normal.  After many discussions, we've come up with a game plan, of which I will be the sole keeper to perpetuate and maximize.

Honor Family Debt. This debt originated years ago when Mike was stationed in England and some lousy bank decided to wrongfully repossess his car.  Talk about taking advantage of our military.  A parental unit kindly handled the situation in Mike's absence but was forced to tell off the evil financial institution with their checkbook. Said gracious giver of genetics assures us this debt is not a priority, but it certainly is for us.  It holds the #1 spot on our to-do list and the payoff will be accompanied by a good bottle of wine.  Amount unspecified for internet eyes.

Exterminate ALL Credit Card Debt.  I am waiting for the day when I can say that all of our credit cards are at zero.  The price for the feat is around $7,000 between all of our cards.  Not a number I'm proud of, but $5,000 is all on one card that we weren't working on in 2011 (as if that's any comfort or excuse, but there it is).

Polish Off the Car Loan. We owe the bank just under $9,000 for the Mazda.  Not only would it be awesome to own the car free and clear, but it will free up $200 a month to be rerouted elsewhere.

Save Up for a Vacation.  After the last deployment, Mike and I took a memorable vacation to Jamaica.  We booked right after the economy crashed and made off like bandits, but inflation is a lot like karma.  We've been going back and forth with a travel agency over a couple of options, but current estimates put us at around $4,000 for airfare and a week at an all-inclusive Caribbean resort.   Fuller post to come!

St. Lucia, one of our top picks

Now, you may be adding up these numbers and wondering how exactly we're going to meet these goals.  Keep in mind that I still get my usual salary (and likely summer teaching income), but there's one less person to feed, use electricity, take showers, or go out to eat with. 

I can create savings by taking advantage of these small decreases in our regular bills.  For example, our water bill is around $80 every two months.  If it drops down to $60, I can move $20 in savings.  That doesn't look like much on it's own, but if I do that for 8+ months, that's $80 that I didn't break a sweat to set aside and that's just with one bill!           

I also intend to create a food pantry for us out of our lowered grocery bills.  This is something we've never been able to get off of the ground and it hurts us in the long run.  So every time I go to the store, I'll be on the hunt for non-perishables like rice, pasta, canned beans and tomatoes, baking supplies, juice, and cereal.  Same will go with household supplies like laundry and dish detergent.  

  
Realistically, we may not be able to meet all of these goals.  In the span that Mike is gone, there is still $785 a month for rent, medical bills, routine doctor appointments, regular car maintenance, and summer activities/trips that still need to be accounted for.

It will also be tempting for me to increase our standard of living since there won't be as much pressure to count pennies.  I'll have to resist upgrading food products or going on shopping trips.  Those little splurges could add up and compromize one of our goals.  I will need to be ever mindful to focus on maximizing our savings, but I think it's completely doable with a little mental elbow grease.