July 4th - My Least Favorite Holiday

News shocker - I'm not a fan of July 4th.  

What's that, you cry?!  How is it possible for a military spouse to not enjoy massive amounts of grilled food on her country's birthday?  How can she not shed a few tears every time the anthem is played or a flag waves?  How can she not break out a red, white, and blue outfit on the most sacred day in the US?

In short, because it's just another holiday that is commercialized, overly busy, full of scheduled expectations, and soaking wet in disingenious patriotism. 

There, I'm officially a party pooper :)  

You have to understand that I hail from a small town that lives and breathes for its July 4th celebration.  The population doubles from a cozy 10,000 to a nauseating 20,000+.  The crowds get even more insane depending on which political pundit makes an appearance in a given year.  

The parade is one long commercial for local businesses, a reverence for all of the area sports teams, and a deluge of church pamphlets.  The carnival downtown is as you would expect - overrun with teenagers on a sugar high and iffy looking rides.  I'll give them credit for the fireworks though.

Out of my 28 years, I have spent virtually every Independence Day in Clear Lake.  I have been in 9 parades - 1 time as a flag, 6 times playing an instrument, and twice herding students with instruments.  I have played in 8 evening concerts for the Municipal Band and would be happy if I never heard a march again. 

Aside from the obligatory funnel cake, I am 4th of July-out.  Seriously.  After Hillary Clinton and Bill walked the parade a few years back and there were 40,000 people in town, I vowed to NEVER be in Clear Lake on the 4th.  

It's not just a battling the crowds issue.  Or sweating like a pig at a hog roast while you watch the parade.  Or awkardly running into people from the past who have the same Leave It To Beaver worldview.  Or that when my husband's deployed and I see him being treated like a disposable tool (more so than usual), Uncle Sam and I tend to exchange dirty looks.   

It's simply the general hullabaloo that goes with the 4th.  To me, it's become obnoxious.  It's so American - big, brassy, and busy.

I know, that's what people love about it.  I'm not knocking the Statue of Liberty and all she stands for.  And I'm certainly not hating on all of you grill-happy, sparkler-holding, parade-loving junkies out there either.  I just cringe at the thought of being subjected to so much stimulation in one day.  

I relish that I have tomorrow off and no where to go, no one to see, no schedule to hold to.  It's my personal independence day from work and teaching and I'm going to spend it patriotically watching movies and reading.  

Because that's one things we Americans need more of - rest and relaxation.

How are you spending your 4th?

Deployment Checkup - Barely Halfway There

Several months into this deployment and I'm wondering why I ever said things were a cake walk <shakes head>.  Every separation has its ups and downs and hopefully Mike and I are clearing out of separate rough spots.

I can't speak of Mike's difficulties, but mine have come in the form of stolen time.  At present, my life is a highly scheduled existence that bounces back and forth between work hours, trade shows, and summer teaching.  Throw in meal planning, errand running, exercising, financial watchfulness, and Merry Maid duties, and I've got enough time leftover to sleep.      

While part of my hectic schedule is mostly inevitable and partially self-inflicted, I came to this should-have-been-obvious conclusion recently:

I have a lot of time by myself, but not a lot of time for myself.

When there's so much to do, it's ridiculously easy to lose track of yourself.  You sacrifice your need for relaxation and fun ahead of required to-do lists.  But this only creates stress, resentment, and a permanent frown.

For me, it's predictably resulted in a rebellious body - aches, fatigue, no weight loss, allergies/stuffy noses, and migraines.  All that little physical stuff that slowly chips away at your sanity.

It all came to a head last weekend.  I was supposed to be attending a special wedding for dear friends.  Instead, I got my third migraine three weeks in a row.  I have never in my life missed a wedding due to illness.  I cannot convey how crappy it feels when you really want to go see someone's nuptials but have to acquiesce to your body's demands instead.   

I knew this first half of the deployment was going to be tough.  The front end was loaded with almost every weekend reserved for business travel or social visits.  Barely any downtime was built into the schedule. 

I'm an on-the-go person.  Busy suits me, it always has.  Busy is also helpful during deployments, acting as a distraction and a way to hopefully speed up the time.  But life is all about balance and I become resentful when every moment is scheduled and there's no time for spontaneity.  Busy people know that their Achilles heel is becoming too busy.

<raises a guilty hand and looks sheepish>  

I am superbly thankful that I have a weekend free of schedules.  Not free of to-do lists, but I actually have time to clean and organize.  Anything I can do to right the course of a messy apartment will easy my mind greatly.  And I have several good books I can tackled in between cleaning tasks, as well as Prometheus waiting for me at the theater as a reward. 

I am also going to burn a vacation day here shortly.  I've barely touched them this year and I can tell I definitely need a break from work.  I also know a day off will be crucial before I hit July-August, in which I'll be teaching two classes in addition to work. 

The middle of a deployment is nothing like cresting the top of a hill and speeding down the other side.  It's more like being in the middle of a field after hours of walking and thinking about how far you've come, only to realize how far there is to go.  

What do you to do force/schedule yourself to relax? 

Gaining a Sense of Health Back

There's a lot of activity on my health front lately.  I've turned into a major health and exercise nut and am working on the biggest lifestyle change of my life.  I feel stronger, happy, and extremely motivated.  Here's how I've been doing it. 

Vitamin D
The last time I reported, I'd seen marked improvement from ditching birth control and taking Vitamin D supplements.  At that time, I'd only moved my Vitamin D deficiency from a dismal 15 nmol/L to a hopeful 25 nmol/L.  I am happy to report that taking 5,000 IU supplement daily has finally moved me into the normal range at 48 nmol/L.  I can now take 2,000 UI a day and we'll recheck my levels in 6 months to make sure they haven't dipped.

Because I implemented the birth control/Vitamin D changes at the same time, I'll never be able to distinguish which was the more effective move or which symptoms were alleviated by either pill.  It doesn't matter - I will never ever go back on birth control and I'll always be keeping my vitamin levels under a watchful eye. 

Exercise
Addressing the nutrient deficiency has been a complete game changer.  I can ACTUALLY exercise!  It's amazing to not be supremely sore from a simple walk.  Now that my body can handle movement, I've been aggressive about exercising.  

The past two weeks, I've been working out for 4 hours a week - a combination of biking, walks, hiking, Pilates, and resistance bands.  I'd like to exercise for 6 hours / 1hr a day but that will come soon enough.  This spring, I only managed 1.5 hours a week, so I need to be careful about increasing my stamina steadily so I don't crash and burn. 

Pilates definitely kicks my butt - I have zero core strength.  I like it nonetheless

I'm positively addicted to working out as I'm already experiencing those contact highs!  I loved being active as a kid - I was a classic, sports-loving tomboy.  It's so incredible to tap into those feelings of joy and adrenaline again during a sweat session.  Biking is hands down my favorite form of exercise.

Calorie Management
I am consistently keeping track of calories with an online tool called myfitnesspal.com.  I don't use the exercise function, but logging my daily food intake has been really helpful.  I'm not super anal about this - I track about 4-5 days of the week.  

Now that I've been doing it a while, I have mental notes about what one of my regular meals "costs" in calories.  For example, I know one of my staple dinners - bbq chicken, corn, and baked beans - will clock in around 500 calories, is relatively low on fat, and high in fiber. 

I also use the tool to plan meals in advance since I stick to meal planning pretty tightly.  I can chart out breakfast, lunch, and dinner in one sitting, which helps me to be mindful about how many calories are leftover for snacks. 

Despite my efforts to really bulk up on protein and fiber, I cannot bring myself down the 1,600 daily calories that's usually suggested for weight loss.  Even with eating on a 5 small meals routine, I still get overly hungry at that level.  With careful planning and a bit of willpower, I can easily hit and stop at 1,900 calories a day though.

I'm also making a concerted effort to increase my veggie intake.  My sweet tooth allows me to eat fruits with ease, but if it's green, it takes some willpower to like it.  So far I've found that raw broccoli and cauliflower, spinach salads, and peas are manageable.  My mother will also fall out of her chair when she reads this - I discovered that after years of hating green beans, that the Green Giant frozen green beans with almonds are quite tolerable, maybe even enjoyable.  Baby steps, baby steps.   

Not a brand endorsement, but wow, me eating green beans might mean the zombie apocalypse is upon us

Next Steps
While all of these changes have been super awesome, my weight has not budged one bit.  Granted, it's not gone up either.  Frankly, being so close to 200 pounds has me frightened out of my mind.  I don't come from a healthy stock of genes and I know that carrying all my weight around my belly is killing off a future version of myself in the form of heart disease or diabetes.

I know that it takes time to lose weight, build up muscle, and recharge metabolism.  But it does concern me that I'm making all of these healthy, consistent changes and in six months it hasn't made a difference on the scale.  It makes me wonder if I may have other health issues that are still causing less obvious roadblocks.  Which is why my next step is to see an allergist.

I come from a long line of allergy sufferers and while the seasonal colds I get don't really bother me, I still get ear and sinus infections every couple of months.  Truthfully, it's the long-term impacts that have me concerned.  People tend to poo-poo allergies as a serious medical condition, but it sounds much scarier if you think of allergies as daily inflammation, something that's actively doing harm to your body.  

I know for sure that I have food intolerances - oats and peanuts do lovely things to my digestive system for days on end.  Soy milk produces a mood swing within 30 minutes - it mimics estrogen and given my intolerance to birth control, that's not surprising.  I'll never be a vegan though. 

My mom has really bad allergies to corn and I noticed that sometimes, though not always, I can get a headache after eating popcorn.  Or if I have corn tortillas one night and then whole corn the next day, I might have some stomach pain and a headache.  That could be coincidental or related some other food, but not enough to the point where I'm going to ignore it.

I simply want a concrete lists of items, if any, that I shouldn't be consuming.  It would be incredibly dumb to willingly consuming things I'm allergic to.          

There's also new research coming out that shows that instead of obesity, heart disease, and diabetes causing inflammation, it's distinctly possible it's the other way around - inflammation precedes and paves the way for those conditions.  Does make one think.

Halfway into 2012, I finally feel as if I'm gaining control over my health.  Much of getting back into shape is now in my hands and an allergist is really the only other test I can think of that will identify remaining roadblocks.

How's your health been lately? 

Hiking at Palisades-Kepler State Park

One of my favorite parts about living in Cedar Rapids is the incredible wealth of parks, picnic areas, and hiking / biking trails the area offers.  It's a very easy city to be active and outdoors in.  My favorite spot is Palisades-Kepler State Park.  

A not-so-decent but still effective panoramic view of the river

Located off of Hwy 30 just before Mount Vernon, this is hidden Iowa treasure.  I'd never heard of this park before until we moved to the area.  It's a sizable hunk of wooded land along the Cedar River and there's camping, cabin rental, boating access, and picnic areas.  The trails, however, are what I've fallen in love with.

My childhood is filled with very fond memories of exploring the trails of state parks.  I've been all over the hills in Lime Creek (Mason City), Phelps Park (Decorah), Grandad Bluff (LaCrosse, WI), Effigy Mounds (McGregor/Marquette), and Backbone State Park (Strawberry Point).

Can you make out the house?  I can only imagine how amazing the view is!

I feel so luck to have Palisades only a 10-minute drive away.  Mike and I have often whipped up a barbeque picnic, ate alongside the river, and then walked off our dinner.  It's a fantastic way to kill an afternoon.  

This weekend, I finally hit the trails for the first time this year.  I spent an hour on the Cedar River trail, which follows the bluffs along the river.  It's so gorgeous and peaceful and has an air of the Mississippi about it.     

This is a hilly, rocky, tree branch-laden path with some reasonable inclines.  I see people of all ages and shapes out here though, a lot with dogs and little kids.

Starts out gentle - there are several cute bridges like this

Then you get to your first set of steps

This is a little lookout point once you climb to the top of the first bluff

Hard to see the depth, but this is the view from the lookout point

The trail continues atop the bluff

Dropping off a bit on a shoulder

This is the sharpest incline, though it's hard to tell from the picture how steep it really is

Almost to the top!

A beautiful view to reward your legs for the climb

On the way back - lots of exposed rock faces to marvel at

Spotted this little guy - like a muskrat but had a bushy tail though ... Help anyone?

If you need some variety for working out, this is a great way to do it

I have yet to hit the end of the river trail and there are several others I haven't tried that extend into the hills away from the bluffs.  I just read on the website there are Native American mounds, which has me super intrigued.

Places like Palisades make me supremely happy - I love being outdoors and hiking.  Throw in bluffs and a river and I'm in my element.  

  
What are your favorite parks?

Washington DC Calls in the Name of Business

When my job description said 10% travel, that was no joke.  Chicago, Memphis, Orlando, and Seattle have all been graced with my presence.  Washington DC now joins the list.

I was there this month for the American Institute of Architects (AIA) annual show, which was held at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center.  Like most of the events our magazine attends, it's a combination of educational panels and an expo floor.  Many of our major advertisers are there so it's a good opportunity to connect in person.  Luckily for me, Mike and I went to DC for our honeymoon so I wasn't distracted by the lure of the museums, lol.

(source)

For those who've never attended a tradeshow before, it's a long day of work.  While you may be in a cool city, you're stuck inside a convention center conducting business.  My primary job is to meet with exhibitors.  I get 15-25 minutes to gain an overview of their company and products, looking for story ideas along the way. 

In many ways, just by setting up a booth appointment, I'm smoothing the way for our sales team.  It's not a direct effort because I'm oblivious to their needs, but they can nonetheless leverage my simply being there to their advantage.    

You will have to excuse the horrible pictures on this post - my camera batteries crapped out so I was left with my camera phone, which you can see really sucks. 

This is what a tradeshow floor looks like.  This particular show had upwards of 40 rows of vendors.  Zone booth scheduling is crucial so you're not huffing it from one end to the other all day.

 

This was a decent show.  I prefer going to more educational sessions, but that wasn't the primary mission of this event.  All I can ask for on these trips is for my schedule to remain on time.  When delays and mix-ups happen, that's when my patience starts to go.

When I wasn't getting my networking on, I was holed up in the historic Mayflower Renaissance.  I don't think I've stayed at a hotel this nice before - apparently it holds some kind of record for gold foiling and is a favorite for politicians and prominent organizations needing an impressive ballroom.

The lobby (source)

 
Anyways, I had a tiny bit of downtime one evening to treat myself out.  Even though my legs were ready to fall off, I could not bypass the National Geographic Museum when it was literally across from my hotel.

(source)

With only 45 minutes before close, I made a B-line to the Titanic exhibit.  You might recall that prior to the hell of my Orlando trip, I was excited to see a Titanic museum there.  Since that never happened, this was my makeup splurge.

For $8 in admission and the bragging rights to say I'd been to this museum, the price was totally worth it.  The exhibit didn't include any artifacts from the wreck, but it did include prop pieces for the movie and footage from a brand-new documentary about the wreck.  It was an enjoyable way to kill off any remaining strength in my legs, lol.  

To-scale model

 

Getting fancy with my camera phone

This was pretty neat.  This image of the wreck was projected from above but when you got close, it revealed how the ship looked before sinking.  A totally ingenious use of technology and super kid-friendly.

 

One of the actual ROVs (remote operating vehicles) used to visit the wreck.  On loan from WHOI.

This model of the wreck is really cool for two reasons.  First, it's the same model Cameron used for the underwater shots in Titanic.  Second, it's so accurate, it's actually used to map expeditions to the site.  All of the new research about the ship is focusing on documenting the wreck like a crime scene and they use this to plan where to enter the ship with the ROVs. 

After touring the museum, my whole lower body was screaming for me to stop abusing it.  Instead of finding a nice restaurant in the neighborhood, I just went back to the hotel.  Their restaurant was just as nice as the rest of the place and I supped on pork chops with roasted plums and jalapeno-cornbread.

Cafe Promenade

Food!

  
In light of DC, this kind of trip is precisely why I need to reserve a credit card exclusively for business.  Between my hotel, cab rides, internet access fees, and meals, I racked up over $900 in three days.  I would never be able to fund a trip like this out of checking alone.  It's clear the company is giving me more travel responsibility so it's great motivation to live a lifestyle free of credit card debt. 

Business trips and visits to family account for all of my summer travel plans.  Are you going anywhere fun?

 

Fifty Shades of Grey - Didn't Have Me Tied Down

Warning - I'm going to talk about sexuality.  Knowing full well my mothers and friends read this, I'm giving you the chance to click that red X in the corner lest the idea of me broaching the topic of erotica, sexuality, and the social impact of literature gets your panties in a twist ... and not in a good way.

For the rest of you still hanging out, thanks for being curious :)

Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James is taking over the bedrooms of bored women across the nation, or so the headlines have been screaming.  The book charts the complex relationship of Anastasia Steel (literature student) and Christian Grey (wealthy entrepreneur).  It's the classic story of unworldly, slightly clumsy, doesn't-know-she's-hot girl meets experienced, dark, I'm-in-need-a-therapist hot guy.

The twist, if you're not aware, is that instead of your run-of-the-mill romance novel steamy scenes, EL James lets her readers explore a slightly darker gamut of sexual expression in the world of dominant/submissive, accompanied by some light bondage, a touch of flogging (not in the Spanish Inquisition sense), and a few spankings.  That would be BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism) and all of the ensuing combinations.

I'll kick off my review with this statement - sexuality is not fixed or binary, it is highly personal, and as long as you and your partner set the boundaries and are honest with each other, what you do with and to each other is your own damn business.

If you think erotica is porn, well, I'm surprised you're still reading this.  I could devote another post to explaining the difference, but porn is visual and leaves nothing to the imagination.  Erotica is sensual and requires imagination on the reader's part.  The difference is profound - porn is a 10-minute quickie whereas erotica is a drawn-out seduction. 

Back to Fifty Shades.  This book started out as online fan fiction for Twilight.  Oh yes, the main characters were once Bella and Edward.  The influence is easily discernible, which may put you off or pull you in.  

(source)

To her credit, James readily admits she's a novice writer.  Which makes it easier for me to gently agree with her.  This is not a wonderfully written book.  A chunk of my editor brain was having fun mentally taking a red pen to the text as I read.  This sentiment applies both to the relationship portions of the book and the "I might blush here" sections.

I also easily tired of our narrator, Ana.  She's young, innocent, exploring her sexuality for the first time (she starts out as a virgin), and is written accordingly.  She can't bring herself to talk about her or Christian's body directly; instead she refers to down there, his erection, or the apex of my thighs.  She constantly says holy shit! when something arousing happens, which gets annoying because it seems so juvenile.

Despite my literary beef with the execution, it distresses me that the media sharks out there have dubbed this work mommy porn  <shudders>  There are so many things wrong with that term - it's sexist, disparaging, and dismissive.

(source)

Granted, this very heterosexual, very white book is not going to cut across all demographics, but to throw such a label on it is repulsive because it seeks to shame any woman (or curious guy) from picking it up.  On that premise, I defend the book for making sexuality more approachable, even if you've innocuously downloaded it on your Kindle or Nook and no one sees the cover (which in print form is also deliberately unremarkable). 

To be honest, this is Introductory Erotica.  Unlike most of the user-submitted stuff you can troll for online, Fifty Shades at least had some quality control, but there's better stuff out there.  If you've never tasted this taboo genre before or are already a closet Harlequin reader, I endorse this for you.  But if your sexuality is more robust, this will leave you unsatisfied.

Saying Goodbye to Size 14

Have you ever saved clothes that no longer fit?

Maybe it's your favorite pair of jeans from high school, a stunning dress prior to having kids, or a business suit you once rocked.  I would bet good money that most women (and maybe some men) have a stack of clothes they're hoping will fit again one day.

My pile has been added to since 2008 and while I remain hopeful about slimming down, I know it's going to take a while because I'm doing it the right way.  I'm going for a lifestyle makeover with steady exercise, tracking calories, and eating nutritionally dense foods.  Weight loss will be a pleasant side effect of my efforts to be healthy.

My stash of cute and professional but too small clothes has been wasting space in our closet for far too long.  It was once a smart idea to save money by having clothes on hand I could fit into at a smaller size instead of having to buy new ones.  But four years later, it seems a little silly and wasteful to have perfectly wearable clothes just sitting there unworn.

I spent a solid afternoon trying on clothes and really questioned if I would still like them if they ever fit again.  I found that my professional clothing tastes have shifted and what's considered dressy in academia is a touch different than in business.  I'm also guessing that no matter how much weight I hopefully lose, my boobs are here to stay so button-up shirts are a lost cause :) 

I emptied out that entire top bin as I wistfully ran through memories associated with my outfits.  The under-the-bed container still holds clothes I'm saving, but they are one size directly below what I wear now or are literally an inch or so from buttoning.  I admit, I kept one or two "reference" pants from smaller sizes so hopefully one day I can pump my fist in the air and say yes!

I had to smile when I weighed the bags out of curiosity - 40 pounds of clothes, about the amount of weight I should lose to be more fit.  The symbolism/irony wasn't lost.   

Instead of going the Goodwill route, I have a good friend on our editorial staff who became the recipient of my castoffs.  It's a super awesome solution because I get to see the fruits of coming to term with my size as she makes my former clothes look good around the office.
 
With my high school reunion coming up in a few months and aware that I am about 60 pounds heavier than in 2002, I've been thinking a lot about how women destructively define themselves by size.  

Have you ever noticed that women say they are a certain size, not wear?  That little shift in verbs associated size with identity.  I am a teacher, I am an editor, I am a size 18. 

I have sat around with too many of my girlfriends complaining about our size, how the fashion industry sizes clothing, and how much "happier" we were at a small size.

Ladies and gentlemen, put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror:

MY CLOTHING SIZE DOESN'T MAKE ME

(source)

I've decided that when people complain about their size, even if it's all negative, they are being vain and immature to focus on a random number designated by the fashion world.  For health reasons, sure, it's not a number you want to completely blow off, but when it comes to your self esteem, tell your size to go to hell.

We need to jettison this idea that S-XL has anything to do with who we are.

This attitude change about my size didn't happen over night.  It's the accumulation of years of being mean to myself.  I am exhausted by the negativity that I, not anyone else, associate with my body.  Yes girls, the fashion industry or media isn't to blame for your poor self-confidence (though they're not completely off the hook ... that's a post for another day).  

Who is it that makes you cry when you go clothes shopping?  Who is it that frowns when you look in the mirror?  Who is it that makes snide jokes about how you look?

I won't spell out the answer.  Self-confidence is a complex animal that's influenced by a million things.  Women should be empowering themselves about their bodies.  They need to say "fuck patriarchy, I am a sexy bitch" and let the other stuff go.  Because when we are so wrapped up in the reflection in the mirror, we're not any better than the wicked Queen from Snow White.

I was uploading my sister's graduating photos to Facebook last night and feeling hesitation.  You've probably noticed that I rarely ever post pictures of myself online.  That's a direct result of how I have felt embarrassed by how my body has morphed over the years.  

No longer.  I refuse to say and think mean and immature things about myself.  It takes a little effort still, but when I look at this picture I tell myself that I'm wearing a cute dress, that's a good color for me, I have an adorable hair cut, and the shape of the dress is flattering for my waist and hips.  I push these positive thoughts to the forefront of my mind so they eclipse anything negative I may say.  

 

It's totally obvious that I take after my dad's side of the family - German and Scottish heritage.  Unless you're Heidi Klum, these aren't countries noted for turning out good lookers.  I am round.  Even when I was at my thinnest, I had a round face.  This is how I look.  This is a reality that I must shape positively for myself. 

 

You wouldn't say a car's performance is shit just because it isn't painted the right color.  Your body is the vehicle you roll around in and yes, people do look at it.  But the performance is underneath the hood.   

 

Be a little easier on yourself.  Ok, a lot easier. 

 

Pep talk over.