This, That, and the Other Thing

Mum's the word on the blog as of late.   Life has been pretty hectic lately and I've had little time to recount my adventures.  So here's a quick overview of what I've been up to this summer before I go back to the craziness of my schedule.

An Indulgent Weekend of Memories

I recently sojourned back to my hometown for a doubleheader of social event - the wedding of my oldest friend and my 10-year high school reunion.

The wedding was seriously one of the best I've ever attended.  Held at a local park, there was only close family and friends, maybe 45 people at most.  Everyone sat down to a picnic-style lunch and then they had their ceremony.  Everything was simple, refreshing, and meaningful.  A perfect example that weddings don't have to be a big production.

Simple but tasty cake and cute homemade table decorations

Wild flowers formed the ceremony centerpieces

After a quick break, I journeyed to the opposite side of the lake and took a trip into the past.  Maybe 25 of my 100 classmates came, but honestly, it was really nice.  Those that came really wanted to be there.  To talk and connect, not just reminisce.  I genuinely had a fantastic time catching up with people and spent 6 hours doing so.

It was also a good lesson in judging people.  When you come from a small town and you're one of the few who has moved away, you tend to think that you've escaped the shackles of stagnation and gone on to something better.  It's easy to look down on those who have never moved away from their place of birth, particularly when you see the town never changing.

But as I listened to my classmates who are still locals, I grew to understand and respect their decisions.  They talk about how their families are still there, aging relatives need a helping hand, they found jobs like anyone else, they have a strong network of friends, and it's a good place to raise a family.   

(source)

I mean, isn't that largely what everyone wants out of where they live?  When I consider that Mike and I are still searching for the right place to truly call home, I am glad for them.  It's a true gift to be where you want to be.

Teaching

In addition to my magazine job, I also teach several times a year for a private Iowa university.  I made this connection when we lived back in Cedar Falls and I now split my teaching duties between the Cedar Rapids and the Waterloo centers.  I generally teach four courses a year (8-week schedule) and classes are offered sporadically.  Because students don't always need what I can teach (gen. ed.), my services aren't required on a routine basis.  

I love teaching.  Anyone who knows me can tell you teaching isn't a skill of mine, it's a personality trait.  There's many ways to become a teacher, but I've always gravitated to it naturally.  It's just a part of me that needs to thrive.  



In my head, I hope I'm as interesting as McGonagall and not laughable like Trelawney (source)

This summer's teaching schedule has been challenging.  I have not only one but two courses I've never taught before - a public speaking class (not even in my field) and a popular literature course. 

This means that I had to create these classes from scratch - everything from lectures and PowerPoints to in-class activities and worksheets.  Not to mention the very structure of the course - assignments, text list, reading schedules, grading rubrics.  I'll be all the more prepared the next time I teach these courses, but preparing for these has certainly demanded more of my attention than I was counting on. 

I'm also teaching two courses right now when I normally do one at a time.  With a 4.5-hour night class, that means two of my evenings are completely accounted for and one involves a 2-hour roundtrip commute. 

Luckily, I have awesome students and they never seem to have a clue when I'm feeling less than competitent because I'm in new terrain or I'm a touch frazzled because I'm working two jobs at once.  

Fun with Friends

As I move into the second half of this deployment, my social schedule is much more managable.  It's true that most weekends I have something on the calendar, but it usually only involves one of my days and not the entire weekend.  The activities are usually low-key as well.

For example, I went on my first scrapbooking retreat earlier this month.  Some girlfriends and I rented a local place that was for quilting/crafts marathons and provided cute sleeping quarters.  It was nice to not go far but feel you were somewhere else.  

Mine looks NOTHING like this (source)

I'm not a crafty gal by any means.  I always loved arts and crafts as a kid, but I never found a medium that really spoke to me (or honestly, that I was good at, lol).  I have friends who knit, cross stitch, crochet, make jewelry, do photography, paint, and sew clothes.  I just like other people's art :)     

I scrapbooked in college but haven't touched anything in five years despite collecting odds and ends from trips and weddings along the way.  Certainly had enough material to work with! 

I find that while I don't gain any concrete pleasure from scrapbooking, like it would be something I was in the mood to do, it is an easy way for my brain to shut off and my hands to stay busy.  It's relaxing and helps me to slow down.     

Work + Life Balance

As I struggle to keep my schedule and sanity in check, I am implementing a new rule - weekend activities can only demand one full day of my time.  For example, I will be visiting my sister in several weeks.  I will go up on a Friday and come back on a Saturday, leaving all of Sunday to myself.   

I find that I really need a solid day or an uninterrupted half day to just be spontaneous, to have no demands or schedule, and to simply be a home relaxing.  I become irritable when my life is really scheduled and I'm always on the go, which has pretty much been the last couple of months.  This restores a touch of balance to keep me recharged for the next round of must-dos and take-care-of-this-nows. 

Movies/TV Watched Lately

Citizen Kane, Some Like It Hot, Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?, and Silence of the Lambs (all for the film class I'm teaching)

We're Not Married (Marilyn Monroe)

Scrubs - now halfway through Season 5 (thank you Netflix and 25-minute episodes)

Books Reading
Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption (class)
The Apt Pupil (also Stephen King, for pleasure)
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (amazing book, also for class)
The Hunger Games (re-reading for class)
The Help (you guessed it, for class)
The Outliers (have borrowed from a friend for too long and need to finish stat!)

On the shelf - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (patiently waiting in line) and Shadow of Night (resisting the temptation to start because I know I won't be able to put it down!)

How is your summer going along?

Confessions about My Weight

My history with body confidence is a checkered one.

As a kid, I was constantly underweight and this apparently caused concerned for my mother.  I was an active tomboy so I'm sure hours of running around the neighborhood was a factor.  I was simultaneously made fun of my chicken legs at school and praised for my svelte figure by relatives.  

In high school, I barely made it over 100 pound by the time I was 16.  I did basketball and tennis and loved gym class.  I ate like a wolf.  Despite being thin, I had acne so bad it was painful to wash my face.   

I constantly fretted about how I looked.  My hometown was pretty superficial and even in my church looks were important.  I never had confidence that I was attractive and it was easy to dismiss my looks compared to the popular pretty girls.

Mike came along and was most helpful in telling me otherwise, but it takes a long time to unwind long-standing behavior.

I filled out more in college and achieved what I consider a healthy weight for several years (150lb at 5'6").  I was confident, felt care-free about my body, and made efforts to dress it appealingly.

During grad school, I became less active and the scale started climbing.  My confidence began to slip.  Teaching completely destroyed any exercise plan and I officially became overweight. 

Now a year and half into a sedentary desk job, I am 191 pounds.  That's really embarrassing for me to admit, but I'm doing this publicly to move past being ashamed of my body.  

Yes, I used the word ashamed.  I feel self-conscious about the excess I carry, how clothing fits me poorly, and that I still have acne at 27. I deliberately dress in ways that cover my figure.

I was recently in a Victoria's Secret with a friend and thinking back on the days when I was a VS junkie (they don't carry a bra size that fits me anymore ... big boobs are not a blessing).  It dawned on me that it's been a long time since I bought something for myself.  Afterall, sometimes lingerie is for the wearer, not the viewer.

As we continued to shopped, I realized this wasn't just an issue of sexuality, it was a problem with body confidence in every aspect of my life.

In recent years, I have consciously denied myself anything that would draw attention to my body.  I have no fun tops for a night out on the top, no dresses that I would wear to a bar but not work, no outfit that makes me feel like a million bucks.


I've always been a believer that attractiveness radiates from within.  But I'm beginning to think that playing down the outside isn't a solution to body dissatisfaction.  

The crazy thing is, I would be horrified if one of my girlfriends confessed to me the same thoughts that I have about myself. 

Most people make a New Year's resolution to lose weight.  And while I'm certainly keen to see that number go down, I'm going to start working on my confidence.  I'm not sure how I'm going to reclaim it, but I need to work on.

My 10-year high school reunion is this fall.  I want to walk into that room and own it.  The last thing on my mind will be my body.  Let's see what I can do in 9 months! 

Do you struggle with your appearance?  How do you chase away negative thoughts?

Lessons from Holiday Baking

As I type, I am but 4 recipes away from completing my holiday baking, two of those being pies.  With a wrecked kitchen, a fine layer of flour dusting the apartment, and a full freezer, here are my lessons learned from baking so far.

Complacency is a Killer
I'll be chronicling this in a separate blog entry, but one of my candies completely bit the dust. I missed a seemingly harmless step in the instructions and also made an ingredient swap.  The combination turned into 4 hours down the drain.  Just because something worked previously does not mean you shouldn't carefully reread all directions or make alterations on something you intend to give as a gift.

Line Up Backup Recipes
Not only did one of my recipes bomb, but a new one I tried grossly misstated the serving count.  Instead of 240 bit-sized nibblets as promised, I ended up with a disappointing 80 (I even followed the instructions to a T).  I had to replace BOTH of these recipes unexpectedly, which led to some unneeded stress and additional trips to the grocery store.  Next year I'll definitely have some backup dishes in mind.    

 
Inventory is Key
Speaking of which, we all know that multiple trips to the grocery store can be killer on the wallet, particularly during the holidays when there are so many enticing goodies stocked on the end aisles.  Due to recipe snafus, I had to go back and purchase additional supplies several times.  These didn't cost me too much (probably an extra $10) but it was a hassle to have to fight through holiday shoppers.  

At the start of this whole process, I should have gone through and made a complete inventory of the cupboards so if I had to switch gears, all of my basics were on hand.  For example, I volunteered last minute to bake a cake for some coworkers' birthdays.  Halfway through the recipe I realized I didn't have any canola oil on hand.  Mike graciously went to the store, but it could have been prevented with just a little more planning.

Laugh and Regroup
I wasn't saying this last week, but baking shouldn't make you grumpy. Gift giving is supposed to be an enjoyable process, something that can get lost whether you're hustling around the mall or kneading bread dough.
 
Baking definitely hasn't gone as smoothly this year as it did last year. I point a partial finger at my still-extended workload and teaching, but part of the blame rests with me and my misplaced ambitions.  I chronically bite off more than I can chew (haha, baking pun) and I need to set better limits so I can enjoy myself in the process of creating carb and sugar bombs.

Lastly, I need to leave the perfectionist in me at work because I'm no Martha Stewart.  I'm a working woman with 2 jobs and it is unreasonable for me to think that I'm going to churn out picture-perfect edibles with scalloped frosting and pretty ribbons (aka - any of the pictures in this post).  

People are impressed with homemade goods no matter how they look.  Besides, they simply appreciate that you spent time making something especially for them that you could have just thoughtlessly bought at the store.

To all the holiday DYI-ers out there, I salute you!  Only a few more days left! :) 
   

Day of the Dead Reflections

Halloween, Saiham, All Soul's Day, Dia de Muertos, All Saint's Day

It's no surprise that many cultures have celebrations of death in the time after harvest and before winter's first snowfall. 

The nights are longer, the fields are barren, the trees are shedding their leaves, and summer flowers have shriveled and retreated.

Cemeteries are fascinating places where life and death mingle freely.  Some people think that visiting a cemetery for fun is exceedingly creepy.

I find them full of history, art, and peacefulness.  After all, cemeteries may house the dead, but the layout is designed for the living.

Mike and I recently spent a morning exploring Oak Hill Cemetery, established in 1854. It's near my work and I've always been curious about it.

We were surprised to find several military sites, ranging from the War of the Rebel to WWII.

As we walked around, voicing names that haven't been spoken out loud in decades, one thing that struck me was how early people died in life.

It's a historical fact that we're slowly extending our life expectancy, but it's different when you see how short a person's life once was in stone.

A gravestone with a cloth draped over it signifies that the person died early or unexpectedly.

I noticed over and over again that people commonly lived for about 50 years.  Even those who had death dates into the 1930s weren't living for very long.

It got me thinking somberly about the future.  One question has haunted me in recent days since our visit:

What would I do differently if I knew I would only live until 50?

That's barely over 20 years for me. 

 

I admit that I don't have a concrete answer to that.  No cute little list of things that I would change.

I've always believed life is short and previous.  Made it my goal to live with as few regrets as possible.  Or to at least avoid being the source of those regrets for myself and others.

If I were a superstitious person, this spelling plus seeing a dead deer in the cemetery would have sent me packing.

Maybe it's the changing of the seasons.  Maybe it's the lingering thoughts of the cemetery.  But I've been thinking a lot about life and death lately.  The passing of one form of existence into another.

Our lives have been greatly complicated as of late.  We recently learned that Mike is deploying overseas.  Can't provide any other details, but we will spend the majority of 2012 apart.

We also have two weeks to go until my next doctor's appointment.  A diagnosis will be welcomed, but it will change things.  To what extent remains unforeseen.

It's fitting that the month of Thanksgiving should start by honoring the dead.  

We would do well to not only remember those who walked before us, but to examine the times in our own lives that have been marked by a symbolic death - the passing of a relationship, a move to a new area, the end of a job.

Our very essence is outlined by these transitions.  

Life Goals from a 17-Year-Old

I recently cleaned out a bookshelf and stumbled across a journal of sorts from high school.  Amid the angsty poetry was a list of life goals.  I suspect I crafted this list around my junior year (circa 2000).  Here is what I wished for and accompanying color commentary:

Be an extra in a movie ... still an excellent goal

Get my eyebrow pierced ... glad I never did

Go clubbing in a big city ... I went to a lot of salsa band in college

Go on a sleigh ride ... took one with Mike my last winter at UNI.  Campus was gorgeous and covered with a beautiful snowfall!

Kiss at the top of the Sears Tower ... been there but no smooches

Blow my own piece of glassware ... I could still see this happening or at least seeing a demonstration

Learn basic Italian ... took a semester in college.  I can't speak it worth a darn but I can read advertisements with some success

Win a ribbon at a fair ... I was never in 4-H, why did I have this goal?!

Ride or drive in a monster truck ... still would be fun

Publish some writings ... haha, check that, every single month

Get a PhD ... doubtful, but a master's is pretty close

Learn to drive a stick ... I think that ship has sailed. 

Build a piece of furniture ... I have a curio cabinet that I intend to restore

Visit every state ... I'm envisioning retirement and a comfy RV

Tell me this isn't the cutest VW?!?!?

 Visit all five Great Lakes ... I have 3 more lakes to go

See a mountain ... I went to Denver and turned 21 in the shadow of one

Go inside the St. Louis Arch ... did that during March Madness one year with the pep band

Ah, to be a high school again with such simple wishes :) 

Though I wouldn't actually trade places with my 17-year-old self, I think it's important to have fun goals amid the rest of life planning.  It's too easy to get caught up in crunching numbers and forget that life is to be enjoyed.

So after making financial goals and resolutions for 2012 and beyond, I'm going to remember to include a list of fun things to do!